First I want to start by saying that this is not a typical post with family news or pictures... it is more a topic that I have been wrestling with all by myself... so apologies ahead of time.
Recently I was faced with a very real conversation with a good friend that lead to think for several hours about the difference between being a Stay at Home Mom vs a Working Mom. I don't think that someone changes when they become a parent but I do think their life and schedule can change. Lately I have been faced with the sadness of the fact that a few of my friends seem to think that just because you have a child and are busy, that everyone around you understands and thinks the friendhsip will wait for when our children are older to get together ... and while I get that I stay at home to raise my child and I am not at a job... I am not understanding why things have changed SO much between us. It hurts and saddens me SO much!
I know that the grass is always greener for the other person and all my life all I ever wanted to be was a MOM. Well I got my wish a little over 2 yrs ago... then 5 months later was laid off from my job of 13 yrs.... Granted, every week since I got laid off I spend time applying for jobs for finding something that is going to work for the family and pay for the bills - including daycare, has not been an easy find!
I was 100% prepared to go back to work and send my daughter to daycare - I had all the extra supplies, the name labels, I even planned to send her back 2 wks prior to my return so we could get the schedule down before the real deal. All along secretly hoping something would happen that would make it possible for me to spend more time with my little girl. Babies are only little for so long and I understand why parents want to stay home with them and hold them and care for them and provide every little thing. I also understand that for some, its not an option for one parent to stay home because they need to have those 2 income's.
I have been extremely fortunate to have a husband who is supportive and has let me stay home as long as I have with our daughter. Sometime shortly after we moved this past spring I told him that I either needed to go back to work OR we need to have another child... I was beginning to feel like I could no longer give Kayla what she needed throughout her day and was feeling like I needed to be more challenged (in a mental way - b/c trust me that when I say every minute of every day challenged me emotionally & physically at times!). She needed to socialize with kids her own age more in a structured envirnment. We obviously opted for the later being that I am expecting our next child in April 2012.
Now, like I said before, the grass is greener for the other side. For me, I wish I had more of a break from my child... more adult time or even alone time. I have several friends with whom I am able to share phone conversations with during the weeks - but mind you that my screaming 2 yr old is hanging on my limbs and its not much of a conversation. I wish I could go to the Dr. without having to bring my daughter or run simple errands like going to the bank, store or picking up the dry cleaning without having to deal with the buckle on the car seat and a 2 yr old who wants to run into traffic everytime I get out of the car. I don't have a lunchbreak like working mom's do to accomplish the little things. I do get to spend endless amounts of time with my child but it's not quality time. It's time discipling or yelling, cooking lunches or making snacks, coming up with creative crafts on a rainy day, dealing with other ruthless moms at the playgroup or changing diapers and trying to get my kid to nap. By the time my child is sleeping and my husband is home from his long trecherous day commuting almost 2 hours each way... I am exhausted and dont even want the adult time... I just want to be alone! I wish I had a job many days that took me away from my home so I can accomplish more... I wish I could drop my child off at daycare / school for someone else to entertain her for a while so when I did have to face the meltdowns, I did so with a fresh face and different perspective. I feel that I would be a better mom because of the time away.
Now I understand that would mean dropping off and picking up only to do feedings, changings and sleep routine 5 days a week and the only quality time would be wkends... Wkends are when the rest of the world makes plans and gets together.. I would want to spend that time with my husband and child. I also realize that those 5 days a week I would in effect be working TWO jobs since my husband does not get home til 8pm most nights. BUT, I can tell you also, that I would still make time for my friends... Girlfriends are your rock, your support, your cheerleaders in life... without them, we would not be the woman we are. When you have a good friend and then all the sudden, one or both of you have gotten married and have children and you are still on the same page in life... whether one or both are working, you should still be able to maintain a friendship that is equal or at least give and take. I am not feeling this is the case with some of my girl friends. I am feeling like I am the one to pick up the phone... in which case ends with me leaving a message since they never answer... or I am the one writing the start of an email chain... I am just feeling so exhausted!
I too am going thru a great time in my life - I am having another child. It's exciting and scary at the same time. I would love to be able to share the experience (good and bad) with my girl friends... Not just have them there when I am upset or need a shoulder. I think its sad that some people are only around during tragedy... While I keep telling myself that I am going to re-evaulate the friendship and how much energy I am putting into the calls and emails (plus the thinking about them).... in the end I just really miss talking to them.
No comments:
Post a Comment