Too much snow?

We have gotten more snow this year than all the years I can remember... I think back to the first winter right after I got my license to drive (1993-1994)... we had a lot of snow that year too. Or even back a few years during Kayla's 1st winter when we were trying to sell our condo in the midst of all the snow storms... even that year was a lot of snow... but this year, being home with two children who want to go out and play in the fluffy white stuff... but can't because the temps are so low that they would freeze in minutes....  Having the responsibility of clearing all the snow off a sidewalk and driveway that normally fits 8 full sized cars... While having to struggle with the fact that I pay a monthly tuition for my oldest child to actually LEARN something but she rarely gets to attend school without having a snow day or vacation day (Gotta love the catholic school calendar!)...

It's funny how Snow Days now mean something so much different than they used to when I was a child... Although I am thankful to have children to remind me of the pure bliss a snow day brings!  For the grown-ups it means having the shovel (or snow blow with newer technology), worry about power outages and having enough salt on hand.  Making sure there is enough milk, bread and other essentials in the house.  Ensuring there are enough activities in the house to do for the kiddos until its safe for them to get out...  Waiting for that "call" or email from the school just means a different kind of anxiousness :)

When you sit back and look at the situation through my girls eyes it is just truly amazing.  It helps you to better understand the glorious power God has to create beautiful things as well as the pureness by which a child sees life as well. To see the shrill with glee when the wakeup, open the curtains and see the white flakes falling from the sky, or ask a million times when they can go out and play - "Oh please mommy... let us go!"  The screams of excited when they fly down the littlest hill on those $10 saucer's. Or the giggles they share as they compete and try to catch snowflakes on their tongues!  During these moments I see my girls bond in ways I could never imagine bonding with a sibling (as I am an only child and missed out on that experience).  It makes me so thankful that I have two amazing little girls!

Here are some photos from our days this season dealing with the 60+inches of snow God blessed us with!

 

 

State of My Non-Union

On December 17, 2012 I underwent ACDF two level surgery (anterior cervical disk fusion of C5-C7)... My surgeon was truly amazing and within a short months I felt amazing... I was told of the down side and possible complications... I even had a follow- up stay in the hospital for treatment of pneumonia... a very expensive 4 days and I missed my family so much. I am so thankful for our neighbor and babysitter Katie who was there to help Brian out when I was gone.  It was honestly the scariest thing I have ever done... trust me I have very high anxiety over a lot of things but this surgery and the potential complications were by far the scariest thing I had to encounter at this point in my life. 

The surgery consisted of a team of 4 Doctors - my main surgeon, a backup surgeon, the anesthesia doctor, the neuro-tester doctor... plus I think about 3 nurses... they put me out after a delay in start time of about 5 hours!  They went in through the front on my neck - a fold by my collar bone on the right side.  Then the moved my windpipe, esophagus etc over to reach my spinal column... at which point they viced my the 3 vertebrae and removed the damaged disks, then inserted cadiver bone cages, placed a small titanium plate on the front of my spinal column and then attached 3 sets of screws to the vertebrae.

Among the biggest risks:  paralysis, heart attack, pneumonia, death and the not so serious but really sucky one.... the surgery not being successful.  Meaning that the bone cages do not union with the 2 vertebrae they have been places between.  This would mean that I would need an additional surgery to secure the original contraption...

So this past summer was great... I had so much fun with the kids and was feeling GREAT.  Then in September I started having similar symptoms to what I had the 1st time around... So I went back to the doctor... Good news = C5-C6 union was a success (the higher level)  Bad news = C6-C7 DID NOT FUSE... a non-union as my Orthopedic NeuroSuregeon described it.  So now I need another surgery....

This just sucks so much... it makes the idea of a 3rd child so hard to conceptualize.  Aside form hiring sitters and the occasional help from a member of my husbands family... I have no one to help with the kids. Its hard, I am not getting younger, I think our family would be more complete with a little boy tearing up the house but because of my medical failures, it may not be in the cards God has dealt me... its a hard pill to swallow.

Here are some photos from the time around the surgery:

 

 

Time Flies...

Life happens when you are making plans...  That is our lives for the past few months.  I feel like it was just yesterday that we "added" to our family and welcomed Mckenzie into our lives... Now she is 10 months old and since her birth there have been 3 major surgeries!  All of which have been mine.  Boy, when you do your yearly healthcare elections, never ever do you ever think it would bepossible to meet all your minimum in-network and out-of-network deductions... Well I found a way to do it!

Some updates... 

Kayla is very happy with her Pre-K3 teachers Miss Noreen and Miss Maria.  When there is no school, such as a holiday, she gets so upset that she won't see her teachers or her friends.  My little 3 year is seriously just like her mom...  she gets to class and flutters around making sure she says "hello" to each and every person!  She gave up napping about 2-3 months ago.  Actually, it was more like I stopped "forcing" it because at that point it was purely for my benefit to get a much needed "break" in the middle of the day.  But when she was napping, she would be up until 10pm!  Itwas killing me.... so I took away the nap and now she is in med ASLEEP most nights by 7:30pm.  As I have been telling people lately when they ask how the terrible three's are going I reply... "she is a great big sister but a sassy 3 yr old who is pushing my limits more and more each day!"  Another thing we've changed is really in response to her asking all day for snacks.... now its 6 meals - 3 full meals and 3 snacks.  Now she actually eats dinner and lately she has been eating what I cook for me and Brian.  It's really awesome to see her eat like a big girl. She has started answering the phone too so don't be too shocked if you call and she answers.  She has also discovered a love for boy bands (again, much like her mommy and to her fathers dismay!)... her favorite song is by One Direction... she calls it "Beautiful"....

Mckenzie... well she i just the sweetest ball of pudge this side of the Mississippi!  Her smile and laugh are so infectious!  She does not give them away very easily either.  She is waving hi and bye, she gives hugs, claps her hands loves "big people food" (damn she pretty much eats anything), she gets from point A to point B with more ambition than I have ever seen from a baby who refuses to get on all fours and crawl.  Her new thing is dancing the minute she hears any music.  And she gets really pissed and screams if Kayla cries or you are playing around tickling Kayla... she thinks sheis getting hurt and I think its her way of "sticking up" for big sister.  Her perfect sleeping is being challenged lately... going to bed unless she is exhausted is quite the challenge b/c she knows Kayla is staying up and gets mad.  Last night I actually took crying Mckenzie into Kayla's room when she was sleeping and said "see look - go to bed".... sure enough she went to sleep shortly after seeing her sister in dream land.   While she looks alot like Kayla did when she was little, there are definite differences - she has greenish grey eyes and light strawberry brown hair and her big sis still has eyes the color of the ocean and hair blond as can be!

Sticks & Stones...

It's been quite a long time since I posted anything, having two active children keeps me busy.  I have actually been thinking about starting a blog not so much about my family but about my thoughts... Since it seems that it's not right to post such things of FB or twitter.... this in the eyes of recent events and people in my life.

But an interesting fact about this blog... you can post comments but only I see the comments until I click the "publish" button. Having these settings is great.  You can also BLOCK people from seeing this and only allow people you WANT to see your business :)  It seems that there is a hater amongst us... someone who is a coward and can't actually post a comment with their real name... they are mysteriously going under the moniker "Anonymous".   Well... as they used to say when I was growing up... "sticks and stones".  Say what you want but understand that your words mean nothing, there is not a shred of truth to what you write.   you obviously have issues in your own life that need more focus than terrorizing someone's blog.

Welcome to the World Mckenzie Isabel!





We are pleased to announce that our newest little girl came into our lives yesterday at 8:03am at Overlook Medical Center in Summit NJ.  She was 21.5 inches long and weighed 9lbs 6 oz. 

This time around the c-section experience was so different.  My anesthesiologist was AMAZING this time... Dr. Megan Rosenstein... her amazing bedside manner and ability to communicate made the whole thing just another world than what it was the last time!  She also had 2 different color eyes so it was neat to focus on that in the OR.  My OBGYN was also different this time around. Dr. Rubino has a scheduling conflict so Dr. Allan Kessel delivered Mckenzie.  He even let Brian watch as they pulled her out... Daddy cut the cord and off the the nursery he went with her to get weighed! 

All of the nurses in recovery and the post partum unit were great... except for 2.  I was up and walking that night instead of waiting the next day.  My milk also came in right away on Day 2 - which made things a bit easier!  Although Mckenzie ended up losing weight (down to 8lbs 1 oz) and she was really jaundiced... they almost released me without her... but luckily we kicked ass and got her bilirubin levels down prior to discharge!



False Alarm.... or the Beginning of a very long 2 wks!~

So this past Friday we thought our bouncing little baby was going to make an entrance... well at least I THOUGHT SO. Brian was so swamped at work (he has been due to year end close and audit stuff) so we had not really spoken often during the day. I was having contractions about every 30-45 minutes all day long with bad heartburn and my lower intestines were not cooperating... so I was in the bathroom ALOT. Once he got home and we ate dinner, I decided to take an early shower... when I got out, the contractions sped up to about 10-15 minutes and they were kicking my ASS! I called the Dr. and he said that we should head over to the hospital b/c they needed to see if I was dilating. We finally got here after someone showed up to stay with Kayla. They hooked up the machines and we started watching the contractions go off the charts! I think that is when I turned to Brian and said "do you finally believe that I have been having contractions all day?" It was a shock to him and for a little while we thought the baby was coming that night! They checked my dilation and it had not changed since my appt at the Dr. the week prior so they hooked up an IV and started pumping liquid into me! A few bags later and the contractions slowed down a bit... although everytime I had to get up to pee, they started again.... THey ended up discharging me to bed rest until my next appt. I spent most of the wkend on my butt - which for those who know me, is NOT easy...

Fast forward to Tuesday: Dr. Kessel told us the baby is approx. 8 lbs 5oz (give or take a half pound). The baby has amazing lung function and he is confident that if the baby comes early, then it will be fine! So bed rest is truly up to me... I can clean the house if I want to get this show on the road... or take it easy until the scheduled c section - when I know my cousin will be here to care for Kayla and we won't be inconvincing anyone else! I choose the later... You know me and my need to plan and have control :)

The Perfect Help...

Finding the "perfect help" to welcome into your home... someone to be a mother's helper or Nanny to your children is such a hard thing to find! Recently I visited a friend who just had her second child... she was new to the area and needed to find someone to help out with her two year once the new baby came. When I went for the visit, this "nanny" opened the door, took my coat and offered me a drink... she showed me to the living room and told me (as a matter of factly) to take a seat and get off my feet... I am guessing my overly bulging waistline had something to do with her demands. But during my visit, this nanny cooked the family dinner, took their 2 yr old daughter AS WELL AS MINE to the potty, reminded my friend that it was almost feeding time for the newborn and offered to get him changed... GREAT SCOTTS - is this woman the new Mr. Belvedere or Tony Macelli?

The idea of having someone there to help me think about the trivial things when this new baby comes home sounds like something I would LOVE to buy into! The only 2 problems are the fact that i have NO time to look and then there is the avenue by which I actually do this search. I want someone that fits well into our home and our family. Someone I trust and feel comfortable with and someone my kids can feel the same about. Someone that respects my wishes and follows my rules!

My search begins... wish me luck!

A new gig.... working from home mommy!

Some of you may already know (due to the flood of emails and requests)... that I have decided to start my own business selling Tupperware. It's a product that I have loved for so many years and have respect for the product and the company. After having my own "in-home-party" in January and meeting the most amazing woman (who would later become my director)... I decided it would be a good fit for me and our family! Kayla gets so excited when we get a box of products and loves helping me go thru the box to unpack it.

I have always tried to give credit to those moms who have to pack up their family each day and head into the office.... it can't be easy. This is one reason I thought that working from home would be a good fit. However it is seriously one of the most difficult things to do! Telling Kayla that I have to work and that she has to go play for a bit is quite difficult. She is here and sees me and wants my attention. On the cusp of adding a new distraction to my day (with the newest baby Wilson)... I truly wonder how things will work out and how often I will be able to get work done during the day. I know Kayla will be heading to an extra day of nursery school in Sept and will have camp throughout the summer... I just hope Baby Wilson naps during those times so I can get some work done :)

Neighborly love...

We really hit the jackpot when we chose to move into this house just about one year ago. There is definite updating to be done but those proects will keep us busy for years to come. I am referring to the amazing neighbors we have. I so often hear about people who have neighbors are just unruley... but we are so lucky to be surrounded by generous people. Whether it be helping with the kids or playing with them... bringing us yummy food... helping give advice on yard or house issues... or just keeping us up to speed on all things regarding our house (from years past). We are truly blessed to have moved into this house... even to the point that last week when the lottery was high and we bought extra tickets, we said that we would not move... that we would just renovate like crazy!

Am I really ready to be out numbered?

Over the past few days, the reality of being outnumbered on a daily basis is really becoming a harsh reality that has overwhelmed me with anxiety. We are the ones who chose to expand our family and we are the ones who need to bare the brunt of those responsibilities. My husband works long hours and his commue makes for an added 3 hrs each day... Leaving me alone to care for our children for about 12 hours each day... on average. He is amazing with our daughter on the wkends and I know he will continue to be a huge source of help on the wkends... But what about those 12 hours each day I am left to do it solo?

Although this is the second time around and second c-section... I should know what to expect. Last time I did not have a 2.5 yr old climbing on me, needing me to cuddle or change a pull-up or drive them to preschool. I am more than nervous about the 1st few weeks this time around mostly b/c of the needs my 2.5 yr old has... not the baby! That, on top of the fact that my OBGYN had a little chat with me at my 32 wks visit (mostly b/c he saw how active she is and how much she depends on my attention)... He advised me that until my "incision check" at my 2 wk followup visit, I need to secure childcare for my older child b/c the things I would need to do for her, would hinder my recouperation.

Here comes my major anxiety... Although my husband and local friends are great. They have responsibilities such as work or their own children to care for. I can't drop Kayla off for playdates, because I can't drive. I can't ask people to take off work to help me out... And the there is the fact that I have general issues asking people for help b/c in the past there are ALWAYS strings attached with certain people and seriously it ends up being NOT WORTH IT!...hence my dilemia!

This baby has not even made its debut and I am already stressed about caring for two children.

I have heard so many times over the years that "it takes a village to raise a child".... I wish I had that village!

The 2nd Baby... Shower Debate

After a conversation with a friend recently, I fel compelled to write about this... especially since its seems that some people have some very strong feelings about the topic.

It's funny, because I never chose one side or the other and felt that if someone was having a baby shower for their 2nd (3rd or 4th) child it was their perogotive. Or if you have someone really awesome in your life that wants to have such an event for you... so be it. You are very lucky!

Since having a child and throwing a few of these for friends, I think it's a fabulous idea. I mean, I don't think people need to go as "over board" as you do with the 1st child because after all you should have ALL the "gear" you need.... Unless you waited like 10 yrs to have another child. But having an event to get your friends / family together to just have a little fun before your life changes just a little more... and hopefully you will get some new towels, diapers, wipes and maybe even baby formula... why not?

I just heard a story about someone who has a friend who is VERY against showers of any type for anything but your 1st child. Funny thing is that she does not even have any children yet! So it makes you wonder, how will she feel when she is having her 2nd child and is in need of diapers or some adult time with her friends? She feels that her friend will get a sufficient amount of whatever she needs when the baby comes and people come to visit. Where it gets even funnier is that the gifts that this person gives her friends when they have kids are NOT practical, look used or are down right cheap... so where does her strong feeling against having 2nd showers come from? Makes you wonder.

Where do you stand on these events?

31 Week Update...

Below is a photo taken last wkend... comparable to the same size I was at this time with Kayla.

Sometimes this baby feels like it's gonna bust thru my belly button... always moving around. Loves chocolate - although its one of the items that gives me gall bladder pain :( Sleeping is far a thing of the past and my equilibrium has gone out the window at this point.

It's funny b/c I feel as though this time I am surrounded by pregnant women... mostly within my Mommy Group but nonetheless... its amazing how every pregnancy if truly different but what is NOT different is the guilt a women feels regarding either her 1st or 2nd child.

For me, most of the pregnancy I feel guilty that I was neglecting the baby in my belly b/c when someone asked me how far along I was, I had NO clue and had to check the calendar. I remember with Kayla, I tracked each week and looked and pics of what the baby was supposed to look like or where within its developement we fell. This time around, I was not so diligent. Taking belly pics since I stopped being nauseous has gotten better though.

Since the gall bladder pain has taken over my days... and now allergy season decided to make an early appearance, Kayla is the one being more neglected... Surely she knows little about this since she is just getting TONS of tv and movies. She gets pretty much whatever snakcs she asks for (within what is in the house so I try to only keep healthy ones available since my will power has diminshed). I know that once this little baby comes out in a few weeks, I will have even less focus than I do now.

Does anyone have any advice on how to manage time with your older child once the younger one comes? I am having a csection so cuddle time with Kayla will be very difficult - she does not understand that she can no longer climb on me. Once I begin to nurse and have to feed the baby, Kayla's obsession with those bumps under my shirt will grow even more.... Should I not nurse this time around and just right to the formula?

26 Wks & Going Strong!

Baby Wilson #2 inside the my belly at 26 wks!

Looking just like big sister Kayla (check out the picture below in the right side bar)

Unfriendly GallStones

So it looks like I have averted surgery while pregnant! It was a close call for a few days but I was committed enough to work thru the 1st few days of the gallstone diet and had little to no discomfort during those 5 days. When we met with the surgeon last night, I was able to convince him NOT to go in to try to remove my gall bladder... He said as long as I am not in pain or uncomfortable, then he was fine until waiting until AFTER the baby comes to remove the organ.

Backstory ... When I was pregnant with Kayla, I had gall bladder functional issues but never developed any stones... after the pregnancy the influx of the cholesterol medicine I was on ended up creating the stones - since I had to go off the med's to get pregnant again. I will go back ON them after I am done nursing with this baby though.

25 Week Update on Baby #2

Not that I wanted to do this but due to several requests... here it is... the belly at 25 wks! Feeling bigger than I did at this point than I did with Miss Kayla. All is good... lots of gall bladder pain... We will see what the Dr. has to say next time about that (tomorow)... Lost 4 lbs since last month's visit... mostly due to NOT eating due to the gall bladder crap!

Kayla-isms

This post is LONG overdue.... I wish I were able to get more of these on video b/c some are just precious and completely priceless! Kayla is the most outgoing 2 yr old I have ever known... She has little fear or apprehension over anything. She loves fully and completely, tells you exactly what she thinks (no matter how hard the truth hurts LOL). Her abilities astound me at times.... Although this age is frustrating more than it feels rewarding... those moments still exist where I can't imagine my life without her in it or not having the opportunity to spend so much time with her these past few years!

So here are some Kayla-isms.... Things she says or does that makes us crazy or make us smile!

1. She climbs up on anything as high as she can and says "look at me, I am king of the castle!"
2. She sings her ABC's but leaves out the Q R S T U V W X .... but picks up at Y & Z...
3. She loves being tickled and says "take a rest" then the minute you stop, she says "one more again" (meaning she wants you to tickle her again)
4. She has a slight obsession with BOOBS... she calls them Boppers and always wants you to show her your Boppers!
5. She lvoes being barefoot - even when its 13* outside... although she wears shoes outside... she takes her socks off to ensure there is NO fuzz hiding btwn her toes :)
6. She sings herself to sleep with a medley of "Twinkle Twinkle", "ABC's" "Ring Around the Rosie", "Jingle Bells" or "Amazing Grace"
7. Kayla LOVES to help out... doing Laundry, Cooking, Making the Bed, Folding the Laundry... But does not like to cleanup toys!
8. She insists on picking out her clothes everyday!
9. She has an amazing concept of reference points and knows where we are going by the turns we make
10. SHE LOVES christmas lights and even though most of our neighbors have taken down their lights, we drive around and she says "oh wow, look at all the pretty lights!"
11. She loves family hugs... where she puts one arm arould Brian and the other around me and says "BIG HUGS"
12. She will randomly come up to snuggle and say "I love you too"....
13. She loves to dance... so she will ask us to put music on just to to spin around and jump
14. She enjoys spending time with her Mamaw and Pop Pop and Aunts / Uncles... she asks to visit them all the time and has an amazing memory!
15. She actually loves playing and watching football with her Daddy... although attempting to shout some of the same obscenities at the tv as him at times... its adorable when we drive by the high school football field and she either says "Go Chiefs!" or "where is joey?"

Off to school she goes :)

On January 3rd, Kayla started pre-school for the first time... She was SO excited that morning that when we heard her stirring and went into her room, she was half undressed, trying to put on sneakers with no socks and no pants... When I asked what she was doing she told us as a matter of factly, "I get dressed for pee skool mommy!"... When we dropped her off, there were NO signs of separation anxiety at ALL! And pick up was just as great... She came running out with her new tote bag, smile as big as Texas and the biggest hug I ever got!

Patiently waiting to go...

When we got home... she was so proud of her bag and the big picture inside!

Her teacher sent this home... made my day!

She graduates to big girl furniture...

Due to the pending arrival of the newest Wilson, we decided to get Kayla "big girl" furniture so that she'd be used to it by the time the baby came. She LOVES her new furniture and new setup. Although it's tougher to tackle the "cry it out" times (not that she really cries anymore)... It's more like she gets out of bed to play for naptime when she is not in the mood to sleep. Nighttime is so dark though that she won't venture out of bed...

Christmas thru a 2 yr old's eyes...

Lots of fun this Christmas... Multiple visits from Santa... Great new toys... Tons of family time!

Santa stopped by on Christmas Eve...

Mommy & Kayla playing in front of the tree

Supporting Big Blue!

Arriving to see what Santa left...

Classic picture

Big girl undies!!!

Princess lemonade party anyone?

The big gift... she played with this for HOURS!

It was a huge hit!

Love this one.... taken thru the doll house window

Cousin Love

This Wilson girl loves her Bud Light!

Kayla was SO excited to see Abigail on Christmas

Another visit from Santa... not such a big hit! :(

At least Abby liked him!

Pregnancy is different each and every time :)

It is truly amazing how the same situation can be completely different each time you go thru it. This pregnancy is different in itself since I am chasing a very active 2 yr old toddler around and not sitting at a desk job. Running a house, being a chef, scheduler, referee, nursemaid, housecleaner etc.... Is much harder this time around. Although symptomatically, the last pregnancy was far "worse". I was more nauseous & tired but I felt "prettier" last time. My gall bladder is giving me problems once again but maybe because I know what it is I am tolerating the pain that much more? Lots more back troubles this time around too. So far I gained more weight this time but time will tell how that pans out.

All in all, I am glad we decided to have another baby and add to our family. Kayla is so excited to be a big sister... I know she will help out so much when the baby comes!!!

Baby #1 (Kayla) at 23 wks

Baby #2 at 23 wks

Being a Stay at Home Mom....

First I want to start by saying that this is not a typical post with family news or pictures... it is more a topic that I have been wrestling with all by myself... so apologies ahead of time.

Recently I was faced with a very real conversation with a good friend that lead to think for several hours about the difference between being a Stay at Home Mom vs a Working Mom. I don't think that someone changes when they become a parent but I do think their life and schedule can change. Lately I have been faced with the sadness of the fact that a few of my friends seem to think that just because you have a child and are busy, that everyone around you understands and thinks the friendhsip will wait for when our children are older to get together ... and while I get that I stay at home to raise my child and I am not at a job... I am not understanding why things have changed SO much between us. It hurts and saddens me SO much!

I know that the grass is always greener for the other person and all my life all I ever wanted to be was a MOM. Well I got my wish a little over 2 yrs ago... then 5 months later was laid off from my job of 13 yrs.... Granted, every week since I got laid off I spend time applying for jobs for finding something that is going to work for the family and pay for the bills - including daycare, has not been an easy find!

I was 100% prepared to go back to work and send my daughter to daycare - I had all the extra supplies, the name labels, I even planned to send her back 2 wks prior to my return so we could get the schedule down before the real deal. All along secretly hoping something would happen that would make it possible for me to spend more time with my little girl. Babies are only little for so long and I understand why parents want to stay home with them and hold them and care for them and provide every little thing. I also understand that for some, its not an option for one parent to stay home because they need to have those 2 income's.

I have been extremely fortunate to have a husband who is supportive and has let me stay home as long as I have with our daughter. Sometime shortly after we moved this past spring I told him that I either needed to go back to work OR we need to have another child... I was beginning to feel like I could no longer give Kayla what she needed throughout her day and was feeling like I needed to be more challenged (in a mental way - b/c trust me that when I say every minute of every day challenged me emotionally & physically at times!). She needed to socialize with kids her own age more in a structured envirnment. We obviously opted for the later being that I am expecting our next child in April 2012.

Now, like I said before, the grass is greener for the other side. For me, I wish I had more of a break from my child... more adult time or even alone time. I have several friends with whom I am able to share phone conversations with during the weeks - but mind you that my screaming 2 yr old is hanging on my limbs and its not much of a conversation. I wish I could go to the Dr. without having to bring my daughter or run simple errands like going to the bank, store or picking up the dry cleaning without having to deal with the buckle on the car seat and a 2 yr old who wants to run into traffic everytime I get out of the car. I don't have a lunchbreak like working mom's do to accomplish the little things. I do get to spend endless amounts of time with my child but it's not quality time. It's time discipling or yelling, cooking lunches or making snacks, coming up with creative crafts on a rainy day, dealing with other ruthless moms at the playgroup or changing diapers and trying to get my kid to nap. By the time my child is sleeping and my husband is home from his long trecherous day commuting almost 2 hours each way... I am exhausted and dont even want the adult time... I just want to be alone! I wish I had a job many days that took me away from my home so I can accomplish more... I wish I could drop my child off at daycare / school for someone else to entertain her for a while so when I did have to face the meltdowns, I did so with a fresh face and different perspective. I feel that I would be a better mom because of the time away.

Now I understand that would mean dropping off and picking up only to do feedings, changings and sleep routine 5 days a week and the only quality time would be wkends... Wkends are when the rest of the world makes plans and gets together.. I would want to spend that time with my husband and child. I also realize that those 5 days a week I would in effect be working TWO jobs since my husband does not get home til 8pm most nights. BUT, I can tell you also, that I would still make time for my friends... Girlfriends are your rock, your support, your cheerleaders in life... without them, we would not be the woman we are. When you have a good friend and then all the sudden, one or both of you have gotten married and have children and you are still on the same page in life... whether one or both are working, you should still be able to maintain a friendship that is equal or at least give and take. I am not feeling this is the case with some of my girl friends. I am feeling like I am the one to pick up the phone... in which case ends with me leaving a message since they never answer... or I am the one writing the start of an email chain... I am just feeling so exhausted!

I too am going thru a great time in my life - I am having another child. It's exciting and scary at the same time. I would love to be able to share the experience (good and bad) with my girl friends... Not just have them there when I am upset or need a shoulder. I think its sad that some people are only around during tragedy... While I keep telling myself that I am going to re-evaulate the friendship and how much energy I am putting into the calls and emails (plus the thinking about them).... in the end I just really miss talking to them.

Not just Kayla's world anymore!

After a few months of working at it, we can finally say that we are going to be another little person to our family in April 2012. In the beginning, it was all surreal b/c while we were excited to have another, we realized that our little threesome would grow... for better or worse.

The decision to have another baby was obviously both of ours but never did we understand how it would truly impact our world... just the pregnancy alone. This pregnancy is SO different than my first! I was nauseous again this time around but did not actually get sick nearly as much. The tiredness was overwhelming since my "day job" is very different and getting shut eye when I was not working was not an option... because the job is chasing a two year old around is much much different than sitting at a desk for 8 hrs a day (which included a nice lunch break that was usually spent in my car napping). I did not have to make meals for anyone else the 1st few wks since my husband was fully capable of pouring a bowl of cereal or nuking some mac n cheese! I also was not lifting a 32 pound human regularly or crawling around on the floor playing catch me or bending down to pickup legos, play food or plastic balls.... which seriouly leads to back pain unlike no other.

On the other hand, feeling a little person growing inside of you is also a feeling like no other in this world. And while I have not been as focused on a day to day basis with this little baby, the realization once he / she started kicking a few wks ago was just amazing. Kayla is totally enamored by my growing belly.. she talks to her baby brother / sister everyday and now sings it songs regularly... She also gets mad when I am tired and says "bad baby"...

So in coming months, our home will change even more since Miss Kayla is almost potty trained... the next adventure is getting her into a big girl bed and out of the crib since we will need the crib come April for the baby. We have furniture to buy and a room to setup but that will be way after the holidays come and go.

It's very true what they say about your 2nd child not getting as much attention as the 1st.... since you are spending time taking care of the family and your 1st child...

Uncle Denny gets Married!

Uncle Denny (Brian's older brother) finally got hitched on November 12th. To a wonderful girl, Aunt Ali (as Kayla fondly refers to her)... It was a gorgeous wedding and Kayla even got to be the flower girl! She was such a trooper all day... with a short nap before leaveing for the church, she lasted thru the ceremony with little trouble and was a party animal rock star at the reception. She fell asleep in Daddy's arms at 11:45pm while he was fist pumping to "Living on a Prayer" on the dance floor... luckily she was in her jammies already... too bad I did not take a pic of that site!

patiently waiting ...

Kayla leading her 4 yr old counterpart Nina down the aisle

Denny & Ali say I DO!

She wanted to say congrats too... just wanted more than a handshake!

Just the 4 of us!

These flower girls were partying during the cocktail hour!

Gorgeous Cake ... yummy too!

Well rehearsed 1st dance!

Silly Uncle Liam and his ...um "date"

Head table

Wilson ladies ....

Stopping to strike a pose!

This little girl LOVES her butter!

Dancing McLaughlin style... napkin in hand!

You can tell she was started to loose speed...